really tired.
Work, school, project, assignment, sleep.

still have to be disappointed with many "Friends".

nowadays i don't even have the energy to write blogs anymore.
I FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD. EVERY FUCKING HUMAN HATES ME. AND I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE. THERE IS NO LOVE. NO WHERE.
FUCKING ROTTEN LIFE. FUCKING IDIOT. IM FUCKING RETARDED. FUCKING STUPID. FUCKING ITCHY HANDS. FUCKING WRONG CHOICES I MAKE IN LIFE. WHEN WILL I FUCKING GROW UP. FUCKING FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER. FUCKING FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKER.


I found a job at Starbucks but i'm not happy with the Pay.
I'll see if it fits. If not I may change job.
My priority now is to earn as much money as possible.

I have so many debts I have to clear.

I owe sumer too much. And my uncle.
I don't want to burden anyone. I want to be truly able to support myself.

My other priority is my studies. I've got to pull my GPA.

I'm so sick of this world. So sick of these that I keep wondering when it will end.

Living a simple fruitful life seems like a luxury.

I'm living at my uncle's now. Eating off their food and PUB.
I feel ashamed. Stress.

I really just want to blame my parents for being an ass.
Really fuck them. Fuck them for bringing me to this world.
Fuck them for giving me such hardships.
They should fuck off from my life.

I want to be truly independent. So that I don't need to listen to anyone.
I can just take care of me myself and I.
It was all a lie...

I've moved out of that place and all i felt was a feeling of lost.
I came to Japan, it wasn't bad.
I didn't want to lose. Or should I have just lose?

Confused. Feeling angry. At don't know what.

I don't have a choice now but to help myself.
Who would help you? No one. It's everyone for them self.
Don't even trust family. It's just as nonsensical.





How can one attain happiness.
How can one satisfy another.

I'm not sure if what i'm doing is right.
This whole time, I've been having mixed feelings.
Intense. Heavy. Yet, it was a topic for about 4 years.
How could I ignore this warning?

I kept giving up things I like and things I want to do because someone tells me it's wrong or it's bad for you, it's a waste of time, money and it's useless to society.

Why do you think so?

Will you consider if the things I do, ever did anything bad to you or the people around me?
Maybe you will tell me, it cripples my finances or it affects my studies.
However, example cosplay. I used my own money and my own savings.
Never had I ONCE asked you for money at all. I never did that.

I like a lot of things. I enjoy all of them. I did not give up on them.
I only stop doing to do other things that I equally enjoy.
Sometimes, I go back to it and enjoy it all over again. Nothing wrong.
I kept my studies in check. I do average in school but I made sure I study.
When examination comes, I make sure I spend time to achieve my target Grades.

Have you not realised how many wrong things you have done while acting as my family members?
You may have done it, because you cared or because it's not within your means.
However, you have never trust that I could handle things. Despite so many times, me proving you wrong. Yet, you always refuse to accept that I can handle it.

Small things in life, I may not have paid much attention to them. I can't be bothered that's true.
But, Please. Do not misunderstood that for a sign of incompetency.
I am capable of greater things that motivates me. Often, I achieved great results afterwards.
Have I ever failed you my mother?
I may have failed while trying in the process. But every single time, until the end, I always do well and managed to shine like I promised.

What is it that you not trust me about?
Why do you want me to be a perfect person who could handle everything perfectly?
Do you realised I am a young girl with Big Dreams?
I'm too focus with my big dreams. In the end I always neglect the smaller responsibility.
I reckon that is a Bad habit. But you cannot deny the efforts I put into my studies.

I love my course so much. I fell in love. It's like im in a love affair with my studies.
Do you understand? I put my full concentration to my designs.
Every time a fresh idea comes in, it sparks me and I turn them into stunning graphics.
Many employers like me, because I always have fresh ideas.
I solve problems instead of asking for help. I faced the truth and they like me for that.

And I put my full efforts into singing and dancing.
I love singing so much. I love those japanese songs.
They are full of meanings. They express my thoughts and truth of the world.
They touched my heart like how you would nurse an old and frail needy patient.
I worked hard in singing and recording and mixing my covers.
They are so beautiful. I learned the words. I learned the melody.
I learned the waveform and mixed them into beautiful sounds.
I love music so much. It hurts me that I am illiterate of those notes that I'm singing.

Do you know? I'm someone who loves helping anyone and everyone who is in need of my help.
I have never refuse to help people once they request for me to do so. Unless it's not within my means.

Do you know? Many people come to me when they are in trouble.
Because I'm capable of facing hard truths. I solve the problems and they trust me.
I am a responsible person when it comes to serious things.

Do you know? I'm capable of many things because I love to learn new things. I gained many skills.
Jack of all trades but master of none. However I became very flexible as a result.

Do you know? I LOVE TRYING HARD. Do you know that feeling? Where you try so hard. You try so hard so hard and you feel great that you try so hard. So hard so fulfilling.
The results that came out sweet. It's like victory for a war. It's such intense feeling. So sweet. So happy I could roll around and I want to tell the whole world. I tried so hard and This is my prize.

When I fail even when I tried hard. That pain reminds me that I got to try harder. It made me pick up myself and I want to try even HARDER. KEEP TRYING. I love trying so much I almost cried.

Hey. Why don't you accept me?
Why don't you praise me?
Why don't you stop telling me what I cannot do and what I did wrong and tell me What I can do and what I did great? Why won't you acknowledge me?

I won't failed to meet your expectations. You know I won't fail.
If I failed, I keep trying. Like how I never gave up my dreams.
If you accept me, let me try to be nice with you all again, that would really be good.

You know? Up until now, I haven't really given up on anything.
I always try.

However, this time... I might finally have given up on trying... this time...
You who are important... It hurts to give up...
However, we can never agree or understand each other..
It is tiring. I don't know how I can keep this going, without any signs of hope or improvements.
If I have to give up something important in my life.
It also hard for me, to trust that you truly care instead of just wanting to monopolize me.

I'm sorry.

- Wendy -




希望の意味知ってるか？
希望は何の物ですか？
信じません。絶望は真実。

友達シンガポールの部屋はいま空っぽです。
多分あそこで引っ越すします。

サーマいつも私の質問を無視してので、
本当に苦しいと思うてた
で、きのくにやにバイトしたいけど
できるなら、心がもっと安心しますかもしれない

もう諦めたの宇宙人　より

really tired.
Work, school, project, assignment, sleep.

still have to be disappointed with many "Friends".

nowadays i don't even have the energy to write blogs anymore.
I FUCKING HATE THIS WORLD. EVERY FUCKING HUMAN HATES ME. AND I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE. THERE IS NO LOVE. NO WHERE.
FUCKING ROTTEN LIFE. FUCKING IDIOT. IM FUCKING RETARDED. FUCKING STUPID. FUCKING ITCHY HANDS. FUCKING WRONG CHOICES I MAKE IN LIFE. WHEN WILL I FUCKING GROW UP. FUCKING FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKER. FUCKING FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKER.


I found a job at Starbucks but i'm not happy with the Pay.
I'll see if it fits. If not I may change job.
My priority now is to earn as much money as possible.

I have so many debts I have to clear.

I owe sumer too much. And my uncle.
I don't want to burden anyone. I want to be truly able to support myself.

My other priority is my studies. I've got to pull my GPA.

I'm so sick of this world. So sick of these that I keep wondering when it will end.

Living a simple fruitful life seems like a luxury.

I'm living at my uncle's now. Eating off their food and PUB.
I feel ashamed. Stress.

I really just want to blame my parents for being an ass.
Really fuck them. Fuck them for bringing me to this world.
Fuck them for giving me such hardships.
They should fuck off from my life.

I want to be truly independent. So that I don't need to listen to anyone.
I can just take care of me myself and I.
It was all a lie...

I've moved out of that place and all i felt was a feeling of lost.
I came to Japan, it wasn't bad.
I didn't want to lose. Or should I have just lose?

Confused. Feeling angry. At don't know what.

I don't have a choice now but to help myself.
Who would help you? No one. It's everyone for them self.
Don't even trust family. It's just as nonsensical.





How can one attain happiness.
How can one satisfy another.

I'm not sure if what i'm doing is right.
This whole time, I've been having mixed feelings.
Intense. Heavy. Yet, it was a topic for about 4 years.
How could I ignore this warning?

I kept giving up things I like and things I want to do because someone tells me it's wrong or it's bad for you, it's a waste of time, money and it's useless to society.

Why do you think so?

Will you consider if the things I do, ever did anything bad to you or the people around me?
Maybe you will tell me, it cripples my finances or it affects my studies.
However, example cosplay. I used my own money and my own savings.
Never had I ONCE asked you for money at all. I never did that.

I like a lot of things. I enjoy all of them. I did not give up on them.
I only stop doing to do other things that I equally enjoy.
Sometimes, I go back to it and enjoy it all over again. Nothing wrong.
I kept my studies in check. I do average in school but I made sure I study.
When examination comes, I make sure I spend time to achieve my target Grades.

Have you not realised how many wrong things you have done while acting as my family members?
You may have done it, because you cared or because it's not within your means.
However, you have never trust that I could handle things. Despite so many times, me proving you wrong. Yet, you always refuse to accept that I can handle it.

Small things in life, I may not have paid much attention to them. I can't be bothered that's true.
But, Please. Do not misunderstood that for a sign of incompetency.
I am capable of greater things that motivates me. Often, I achieved great results afterwards.
Have I ever failed you my mother?
I may have failed while trying in the process. But every single time, until the end, I always do well and managed to shine like I promised.

What is it that you not trust me about?
Why do you want me to be a perfect person who could handle everything perfectly?
Do you realised I am a young girl with Big Dreams?
I'm too focus with my big dreams. In the end I always neglect the smaller responsibility.
I reckon that is a Bad habit. But you cannot deny the efforts I put into my studies.

I love my course so much. I fell in love. It's like im in a love affair with my studies.
Do you understand? I put my full concentration to my designs.
Every time a fresh idea comes in, it sparks me and I turn them into stunning graphics.
Many employers like me, because I always have fresh ideas.
I solve problems instead of asking for help. I faced the truth and they like me for that.

And I put my full efforts into singing and dancing.
I love singing so much. I love those japanese songs.
They are full of meanings. They express my thoughts and truth of the world.
They touched my heart like how you would nurse an old and frail needy patient.
I worked hard in singing and recording and mixing my covers.
They are so beautiful. I learned the words. I learned the melody.
I learned the waveform and mixed them into beautiful sounds.
I love music so much. It hurts me that I am illiterate of those notes that I'm singing.

Do you know? I'm someone who loves helping anyone and everyone who is in need of my help.
I have never refuse to help people once they request for me to do so. Unless it's not within my means.

Do you know? Many people come to me when they are in trouble.
Because I'm capable of facing hard truths. I solve the problems and they trust me.
I am a responsible person when it comes to serious things.

Do you know? I'm capable of many things because I love to learn new things. I gained many skills.
Jack of all trades but master of none. However I became very flexible as a result.

Do you know? I LOVE TRYING HARD. Do you know that feeling? Where you try so hard. You try so hard so hard and you feel great that you try so hard. So hard so fulfilling.
The results that came out sweet. It's like victory for a war. It's such intense feeling. So sweet. So happy I could roll around and I want to tell the whole world. I tried so hard and This is my prize.

When I fail even when I tried hard. That pain reminds me that I got to try harder. It made me pick up myself and I want to try even HARDER. KEEP TRYING. I love trying so much I almost cried.

Hey. Why don't you accept me?
Why don't you praise me?
Why don't you stop telling me what I cannot do and what I did wrong and tell me What I can do and what I did great? Why won't you acknowledge me?

I won't failed to meet your expectations. You know I won't fail.
If I failed, I keep trying. Like how I never gave up my dreams.
If you accept me, let me try to be nice with you all again, that would really be good.

You know? Up until now, I haven't really given up on anything.
I always try.

However, this time... I might finally have given up on trying... this time...
You who are important... It hurts to give up...
However, we can never agree or understand each other..
It is tiring. I don't know how I can keep this going, without any signs of hope or improvements.
If I have to give up something important in my life.
It also hard for me, to trust that you truly care instead of just wanting to monopolize me.

I'm sorry.

- Wendy -




希望の意味知ってるか？
希望は何の物ですか？
信じません。絶望は真実。

友達シンガポールの部屋はいま空っぽです。
多分あそこで引っ越すします。

サーマいつも私の質問を無視してので、
本当に苦しいと思うてた
で、きのくにやにバイトしたいけど
できるなら、心がもっと安心しますかもしれない

もう諦めたの宇宙人　より

I have a dream. My dream is to become a Graphic Designer. I'm currently pursuing Dip. Visual Communication & Media Design in Singapore Polytechnic. I aim to finish my diploma and study at "the one acadamy" for a degree. Right now, that is my greatest aim in life. I'm an aquarius, born on 26 January 1994. 19 Years old this year. I'm living in Singapore now but I'm born in Malaysia. I'm an Otaku. I love Anime and Proud to be a J-Lover.

Flickr Pinterest Behance Youtube ニコ動画 Twitter WixPortfolio Mervin Amelia XiangLin